This is: Shanghaied in Tuscany!
London Gatwick (LGW) - Pisa (PSA)
As the bus pulled up alongside what was obviously going to be our aircraft, I glanced out at its bulbous snout and thought to myself that this was no Boeing. Sure enough, an Airbus A319 had been substituted, even though it had shown as 737-400 during on-line check-in the previous day. I wondered whether it had anything to do with the transfer of the route to LHR with the imminent introduction of the winter timetable. I installed myself in 1F, which of course was now part of a full row of seats. There were only six Club Europe passengers, spread over four rows. Following the short-lived experiment of using unconverted Economy-style seats up front, BA had now returned to using the former, wider Business Class seats, with the added benefit of a guarantee that the 'E' seat would always be empty. Doors were closed at 0806 and the Captain announced an expected flight time of 1hr 40mins, flying at 39,000ft.
We pushed back from the remote stand at 0813 and, even though it was but a short taxi to the runway holding point, we had to wait there until 0830, in easyJet hell, for our turn to use the single runway. I pondered how, in a few short years, BA had allowed itself to become either marginalised or completely absent at every UK airport apart from Heathrow. We finally took to the air, the Boeing roar replaced by the now familiar Airbus chainsaw sound effects. After making the inevitable left turn, we crossed the south coast of England just east of the Solent, with Portsmouth, Southampton and the Isle of Wight all visible.
After the curtain had been closed, the breakfast trays were distributed, containing the classic cooked breakfast. The main course consisted of scrambled egg, bacon, sausage, mushrooms and half a tomato, and this was supplemented by a carton of orange juice and a plate of fresh fruit pieces. A selection of bread rolls was offered and I drank coffee. When the tray was being collected, I was asked "Can I get you anything else?", to which my wholly predictable reply was "Yes, I'd like some Champagne, please!" A small bottle of Pommery soon appeared, and very nicely chilled it was too. In a somewhat random thought, it occurred to me that there was no moving map display, even though the safety demonstration had been given in video form.
Just after crossing the Alps, the First Officer announced that earlier fog at Pisa was clearing rapidly and that, with an ETA of 1105, it looked as though we were going to be nicely ahead of schedule. I was offered seconds of Champagne at this point and, after a quick check that I had enough time to enjoy it properly, gladly accepted. In what seemed like no time at all, we were making our final approach into Pisa, touching down at 1104. Even before the aircraft had exited the runway, I heard the beep-beep of some idiot receiving a text message. What is it with some people?! Is it really so difficult to obey simple instructions? A very short taxi had us on-stand way ahead of schedule at 1107 alongside no fewer than three Ryanair 737s.
Altogether, this was a very pleasant flight, with just one minor niggle. The service, while attentive and courteous, had been provided entirely without any hint of a smile. I wondered rather mischievously whether BA, in pursuance of its new short-haul business model, had introduced a happiness supplement that I'd forgotten to pay.